Reconciliation
by Azura Nyx
Summary: What would have happened if Felix had saved Anastasia? *takes place during season 4.5*
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Reconciliation

**Author: **Azura Nyx

**Characters: **Lt. Felix Gaeta, Lt. Anastasia Dualla, Lee Adama, and Chief Galen Tyrol

**Pairings: **Anastasia Dualla/Felix Gaeta

**Type: **Romance/Sci-Fi/ Sort-of AU

**Length: **~4,800 words, 5 chapters + Epilogue

**Warnings/Author's Notes: **Spoiler for "Someone to Watch over Me" because I do include a small scene from the episode. These characters are property of Universal Studios and Ron Moore. Therefore, they do not belong to me.

**Rating: **PG

**Summary: **What would have happened if Felix had saved Anastasia?

_**Chapter 1**_

Tears were streaming down Felix's cheeks as he saw the lifeless corpse of Anastasia Dualla lying on the morgue's slab. The only emotions he could feel right now were anger and guilt. The latter being the stronger of the two. Felix had lost a very good friend. He just couldn't shake the memories of the times he had spent with her in the officer's lounge; drinking some ambrosia, talking bullshit and listening, sometimes even dancing, to music.

Gaeta had discussed his feelings about Anastasia's death with some of his colleagues before: all of them had comforted him and mentioned that it wasn't his fault- that Dee hadn't been emotionally stable for quite some time. Some even inferred she hadn't been "normal," whatever that term was worth, ever since her divorce from Lee Adama. Regardless of what Felix's comrades thought, however, there was always the lingering notion in his head that he could have saved her. _I was right outside the door_, Gaeta frequently thought to himself. _I talked to her just before she killed herself, left the room unaware of what she was going to do, and I could have stopped her_. The question was: what would have happened if Felix had? If Gaeta had insisted to Anastasia that she could tell him of what had been bothering her, would she have killed herself? Would he be in the morgue, staring down at Dee's carcass, if he stayed in the room and they discussed what was on her mind?


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

What could have happened:

"Felix, please," Dee begged. "I just want to hang on to this feeling for as long as I can."

Gaeta concordantly looked up at her as he slipped on his artificial leg, and said, "Okay." He didn't quite understand what she meant by that statement, but he just shrugged it off with the thought she was referring to her date with Lee earlier that evening, that it went so well she wanted to hang on to the positive emotions she felt after seeing him. Felix walked over to Anastasia, who was standing in front of her locker, and they briefly talked about the picture of her that was hanging in her locker door. It was photo of Dee when she was just a little girl.

"Sometimes I don't even remember that's me," Dualla reminiscently said. "…so long ago! She has no frakking idea what's ahead of her."

"Yeah. None of us do," answered Felix. He then backed away and left the room. But as soon as Gaeta shut the hatch, there was something bothering him: the way Dee acted wasn't like her. She seemed too chipper even for someone who recently got back from a date. Felix re-entered the room, and found Anastasia with her side-arm pointed to her head.

Dee abruptly turned around. She didn't know who had entered the room at first. So the noise from the hatch opening had startled her. When Anastasia realized it was Felix, a confused look grew upon her face as she inquired, "Felix, I thought you were headed somewhere."

Gaeta was too shocked to say anything right away. Instead, his mouth gaped open slightly for a few seconds until he finally said, "I-I knew something wasn't right." He walked over to her, gently grabbed her arm as he insisted, "Come on, Ana. We can take you to see Dr. Cottle."

"No, I don't need to see the doctor," Dee sternly answered, yanking her arm away from Felix's grasp.

"Yes, you do," Gaeta obstinately answered back as he tried to seize Dee's gun from her midst. But Anastasia was adamant about not allowing Felix to do this. Whenever he tried to grab the side-arm in her hands, she would slap or beat him in some way or other to prevent him from taking the gun. Aggravated, Dee said at last, "Knock it off, Felix! Just go away!"

Gaeta aggressively spun Dee around so she was facing him; he then grabbed her by the wrists and said, "Drop the side-arm, Ana."

Felix had clutched Dualla's wrists so hard that she couldn't help but to let go of the gun and allow it to drop to the floor. Luckily, it didn't fire off any bullets. Before Anastasia could retrieve the side-arm Felix had picked it up, and then set it to safe-mode. He peered up at Dee and realized she was sitting down on the lower bunk, crying.

"Hey," Gaeta comfortingly said as he sat down next to Anastasia. He then outstretched his arms a little when he continued, "It's alright. Come here." Dee obeyed and embraced Felix. He kissed her on her forehead and sweetly mentioned, "You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"

Dee peered up at Felix, breaking their hug. She then nodded and said, "Yeah. I know that _you _would listen, but I can't say the same about anyone else."

"People love you, Dualla," Felix began. "Admiral Adama, Lee, and everyone we work with in the CIC really care for you."

Anastasia smiled wryly and replied, "C'mon, Felix. The others in the CIC may care about me, but I don't know them well enough to trust them with my utmost private secrets. Not the way I can with you. Besides, Admiral Adama and Lee have enough on their minds. The Old Man is busy working with the fleet, and Lee is distracted with his new position on the Quorum. They don't need someone like me to intrude on their lives."

"I am quite certain they wouldn't perceive it as being intrusive. But even if they did, anything is better than killing yourself. So, the next time you feel this way; promise me you will try something other than committing suicide. I am more than willing to listen to anything you have to say."

Dee looked down to the ground, and responded, "I promise." It was complicated for her to express how appreciative she felt for knowing Gaeta. No words in the English language could suffice for the kindness he had shown to her, and so there was only one way Anastasia found suitable enough to thank him. Dee began to lean in to kiss Felix, but he pulled away at first- uncertain of what he should do. Gaeta wanted her to kiss him, but he wasn't sure if he should allow it in these circumstances. However, something told Felix that now was exactly the appropriate time.

So Dee pulled back as well and perplexedly asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered with a slight grin. Felix then leaned in closer, and kissed her.

For Anastasia, kissing Felix wasn't like making out with any other guy she had before. This was more passionate and meaningful than the times Lee had kissed her. Dualla had known Felix for a very long time and began to think maybe she was beginning to like him as more than just a friend. So, she didn't feel guilty about this… even if she had just gone on a date with Lee several minutes earlier. After all, Anastasia's feelings for Gaeta had existed after her divorce. Therefore, it was safe to say that Lee was too late.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

A week later, Felix waited at the lounge for Anastasia to show up. Before she had, however, Gaeta received another visitor.

"So, I hear you and Dualla are becoming quite the item."

Felix turned around and realized it was Chief Tyrol who had spoken. "No. We're just friends- that's all."

Chief laughed boisterously as he took a seat next to Gaeta and replied, "Yeah, okay. Whatever you say, Felix. You forget that I tried to keep a relationship on the down low at one point too- as if that worked out."

"Hate to beak it to you, Chief, but I'm not holding out on anything. Anastasia's already with Lee."

"Like that's stopped anybody. You know, Lee has actually been feeling quite threatened by you."

"Yeah… I doubt that," Felix retorted.

Galen became a little confused at that statement, and inquired, "Why?"

"Let's face it: when it comes to the rich, handsome Lee Adama, women would rather go for him than me."

"That's not true," Tyrol insisted. "I'm telling you straight forward that I've overheard Lee talk about you to some of his other buddies at poker night, and he even admitted that he feels as though…oh… how'd he put it? Oh, yes… that Anastasia appears to be 'indifferent' and 'distracted' when she talks to him. Not to mention, Lee is well aware you and Dualla have been spending a lot of time together lately. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together. So, what'd you do that made Anastasia fall head over heels for you?"

"Nothing," Gaeta fervently claimed. "I didn't do anything to her. Just… I comforted her a few days ago because she told me she hadn't been feeling like herself. Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?"

Galen smiled skeptically and responded, "Is that what they're calling it these days: '_comforting'_? C'mon! I may be a deck chief, but even _I'm _not that ignorant. So, what _else_? You can tell me, dude! Seriously! I'm not gonna talk about this with anyone else. I just need to know because Dee seems to have become exceptionally happy in a very short time frame. For gods' sakes, every time I pass her in the hallway she's smiling. Even you have to admit that's not like Dualla. So… I say again: what else happened between you two lovebirds?"

Felix really didn't know if he should spill his guts to Chief or not. To do so would be risky in that Galen, although he said he wouldn't, could tell Lee everything. Then Lee wouldn't be too happy with Anastasia. If that wouldn't be enough, Dualla wouldn't feel like she could trust Gaeta after that. Felix respected his friendship with Dee, and was going to try everything in his power to keep their camaraderie alive.

"Look. It's getting late," Felix asserted as he took one last swig of ambrosia. He then arranged his crutches in order to use them, and got down from the bar stool to leave. "I probably should catch some z's before tomorrow. Talk to you later, Chief."

"Oh, no, no no. You're not getting off _that _easy."

"Tomorrow is going to be a really busy day for me. So, I'll see you around, Galen."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

Despite the fact he told Galen he would be heading to bed, Felix made his way to Anastasia's quarters. He figured he should catch up to her before she left.

Just as soon as Gaeta arrived outside Dee's quarters, he was about to knock when she happened to open the door first.

"Oh, hey," a surprised Dualla said. "I was just about to head to the lounge to meet you there. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine," Felix uneasily replied. He looked Anastasia up and down and was impressed by her wardrobe; she was wearing a thin, silver necklace and a red dress that came down to her knees. "It's just that I was at the lounge before I came to see you and there were a lot of people there. So, I was curious if you wanted to go someplace else more calm and relaxing. You look… beautiful, by the way."

Anastasia grinned in astonishment at Felix's consideration. It was rare for her to find a man who truly cared about what she wanted in her life. Most generally, Dee had sensed a tinge of selfishness with the guys she had previously dated, but Gaeta was one of the firsts who recognized her desires for a change. It felt nice.

"Oh, thanks," Dualla started. "Um…sure! W-what did you have in mind?"

"Well…," Felix began. A sly smirk immediately grew on his face when he continued, "I do know a great place, but it will have to be a surprise."

"A surprise," Anastasia repeated, grinning as well. "You are aware that it's not nice to surprise a woman on a first date, right?"

"You'll like this, I promise," he cheerfully replied. Felix gently took Dee by the hand and said, "C'mon! I'll show ya!"

The destination took a long time to get to. They had been walking through the halls for five minutes when Anastasia commented, "Felix, where are we going? I've never been this way before, and it's taking an unusually long time to get to."

"We're almost there," Gaeta reassured her. "Just keep up."

Dualla couldn't honestly say this was a _normal _date. She even began wondering if Felix knew where he was headed. Making things even more out of the ordinary, Gaeta ordered, "Close your eyes."

"What? Why," Anastasia inquired with a hint of bewilderment in her voice.

"We're almost there, and I want it to be a surprise until we're actually in the room." Without another word, she complied with Felix's request and closed her eyes. Gaeta then took Dee by the hand, and led her up some flights of stairs. At last, they stopped walking and Felix moved something aside. It made a clanging noise, so whatever it was had to be made of metal.

"Keep your eyes closed," he said. "I'll lift you up, okay?" Instead of saying anything in response, Dee just nodded in approval. Felix told Anastasia to hold up her hands so he could lift her, and she did. After they were both standing upright again, Gaeta said, "Okay. You can open your eyes now."

Once Anastasia opened her eyes, they widened in utter admiration. Felix stood behind Dee and held her waist, answering her facial expression with a wide smile. They were in a dome-like structure, and the windows were transparent. The only thing you could see were the stars in the beautiful, dark abyss of the sky.

"Do you like it," Gaeta asked.

"Oh, Felix," Anastasia excitedly responded, grinning uncontrollably. "The stars are so beautiful!" Felix kissed Dee's neck and she closed her eyes, embracing every second of this moment. _It may be cliché_, she silently thought to herself. _But if I could make this moment last forever, I would_. She giggled as she turned around to face Felix and said to him, "No offense, but I didn't think you were the romantic type."

Shrugging, Gaeta jokingly said, "Well, I guess that's one thing you didn't know about me."

"What else don't I know about you, Lieutenant Gaeta," remarked Anastasia as she smiled at Felix.

"I like long walks on the beach and martini's…," Felix good-humoredly joked. Dee laughed a little at this, and then Gaeta steadily grew a sincere look upon his face. He continued by adding, "It's wonderful to hear you laugh again, Ana."

Dualla peered down at the floor, hastening to find the right words to say in response to that statement. What could she say? Anastasia had never been told that before.

"I love you, Dee. You know that, right," a very nervous Felix Gaeta professed. "I promise you that no matter what happens, I will always be there for you."

"I know you will, and ditto," she responded. Felix kissed Anastasia on the lips, again and again-each time become ever more passionate than before. Still kissing him, Dee began unbuttoning Felix's uniform.

However, when Gaeta realized what she was doing he said, "Whoa! Uh…, Dee. I-I'm not sure about this just yet. I mean, these have been hard times for you and everything, but maybe this should wait."

"_Wait?_ Come on, Felix. You've gotta want this as badly as I do. I see it in your eyes." Dualla continued to kiss Gaeta and began unbuttoning his shirt again. Felix wanted to tell her to stop, but he found the words difficult to articulate at that moment. Sure he wanted this, but at the same time he honestly thought this was a little too soon. Those conflicting emotions were a total mind-frack for Gaeta, and so when he tried once again to tell Anastasia to stop, all that came out was, "A-ana…, j-j-just…" before Lee Adama barged into the room. Lee was obviously pissed off-nobody needed a gods' damn rocket scientist to spell that one out.

"WHAT…THE…._FRACK, _DEE," Lee frantically exclaimed. "I thought we had everything sorted out! Didn't you just tell me yesterday that you wanted us to renew our vows?"

Immediately, Felix grew perplexed by that statement. He never once thought Anastasia would play him for a fool. But that is exactly how Gaeta felt after hearing what Lee said: foolish.

"Yeah. What the frack _is _going on, Ana," harshly remarked Felix. "You never told me you intended on re-marrying Lee."

If Lee thought he was going to barge into the room with the idea he would merely be confused by finding Dualla kissing Lt. Gaeta, well he would be in for quite a surprise.

"What," Lee asked. "Okay, explain this to me because I'm really confused over here."

"A week ago, I found out that Dee was planning to kill herself, but I eventually stopped her. At that point, we were just friends, but over the week we kind of grew into something more. Well, I _thought _we had anyway… until I heard this," Felix grimly explained.

Anastasia became irritated by Felix's response and asked, "Would you have understood, Felix?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I told you that I only agreed to re-marry Lee just so he wouldn't bother me about it, would you have stomped off being pissed, or would you have listened?"

Lee rationally suggested, "How about just saying 'no.'"

"Oh, right! That would go over very well with you," Dualla coldly answered. "I don't know why you never admit to yourself the only reason you want me back is so you can have something to talk about with your poker buddies when you're getting drunk."

"That's not true," Adama insisted. "I love you, Dee. I always have."

Anastasia mockingly laughed at Lee's statement and replied, "Let's be real here. When we were married, you were _never _around. During the days, you were in your precious viper and at nights you were in the bar. Hell! There were days we saw so little of each other that I don't think we could have even _considered _ourselves married. And now you want me back? It's just a little too late for that, Lee. I think you know it too." Then Dee turned her attention to Felix and commented, "As for you, Felix: you may have saved my life, but that doesn't mean you can tell me what to do."

Gaeta looked at Dualla and said, "Yeah? Well, may I remind you that if it wasn't for me telling you what to do, then I wouldn't have succeeded at saving your life?" Anastasia crossed her arms in disgust at Felix's words, but Gaeta paid no attention to this. Instead, he walked over to her and added, "What would you have thought in my predicament, huh? Your ex barges in here, yells at you for being with me and then claims that you said you would renew your marriage vows with him... c'mon, Ana! You wouldn't have been even a little upset?"

Without responding or uttering another word, Dualla walked away. Lee and Felix asked at her not go, but she drowned out their words and headed back to her quarters.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

When Felix arrived at his station in the CIC the next morning, he looked around and saw Anastasia at her station as well. She was doing a routine check to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be, but Gaeta noticed she didn't look happy- not like how she had during the past few days. He could make the assumption Dee was mad at him because of last night, but he didn't want to say he was absolutely certain about that on the grounds he could be wrong. _But that's enough thinking about that, _Felix silently considered to himself as he turned around to do a routine check at his station. _I can't let my feelings for her get in the way. _

After a long day at the CIC, Felix decided to head down to the officer's lounge for a glass of ambrosia. He needed this time to relax. If it wasn't for these moments, after all, there would be times Gaeta would feel worse off than he really was.

"Hey, Felix," Lee Adama said as he took a seat next to Gaeta.

Felix looked over to Lee and responded, "Hey, what's up?"

"Have you seen Dee around? I've been meaning to talk to her, but I can't find her anywhere."

"Uh…no. I haven't seen her around since this morning when I was in the CIC."

Adama nodded and said, "Does it seem like she's avoiding us?"

"Knowing her, I wouldn't doubt she would be. While I was in the CIC, she never once looked up from her station," replied Felix. "After I have this glass of ambrosia, I was thinking about heading over to her quarters to see if she was there. You're more than welcome to tag along."

"Nah," responded Lee. "You go on ahead. I'm thinking about having a few drinks to unwind. I don't think Dee realizes how much stress she puts on me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll catch her later."

Once Felix arrived at Anastasia's dorm, he knocked. But when there was no answer, he knocked again… still no response. Gaeta called out for Dee, but there still wasn't an answer so he opened the hatch door himself and walked into the room.

"Oh my gods," Felix exclaimed, running to Anastasia's body. "No, no…no…," he kept saying to himself. It was obvious by the puddle of blood on the floor that Dee had shot herself in the head. Gaeta yelled for a medic, and one did arrive soon afterward. After they had put Dualla's corpse in a body bag, the only thing Felix realized he could ask himself was: why? Why did Anastasia do this? He loved her and didn't just say it through words, but he even made it clear by his actions. _But I guess I didn't show it well enough_, Felix reflected.

A few days later, Gaeta went to the morgue to say his good-bye's to Anastasia. It took him everything in his power to get the strength to go, but he did. When Felix walked through the doors to the coronary room, he realized he wasn't the only one there. Lee Adama was standing over Dee's corpse, and when he peered up to see who walked in he blinked with surprise.

"Felix," Lee asked. Gaeta nodded as to say 'yes,' then Adama continued by commenting, "I'm sorry you have to see me like this. It's just…well… I keep thinking that I could have helped her, you know?"

"No," Felix said, walking up beside Lee. "No, it's not your fault."

Shaking his head back and forth, Adama replied, "No. It is. She was completely right. Everything Dee said to me that day; my drinking, my partying… it was all true. I should have gone with you the day you found her body. If I- if I had just gone to her dorm when I had the chance, maybe I could have stopped her in time."

Gaeta didn't say anything in response to Lee's confession of guilt. Not because he thought Adama was right, but because he was facing his own sense of remorse. Felix loved Dee, and didn't think there was any excuse for his last words to her. _If I had just kept my mouth shut, Dee would still be here_, Gaeta silently conferred to himself.

A week had passed, and all Felix could think about was Anastasia and her death. Memories of his moments with her frequently slipped into his mind. No matter how hard Gaeta tried to forget them, he just couldn't. These recollections were haunting him; their first kiss together, taking her up to the glass dome-shaped structure to view the stars…everything was coming back to Felix piece by piece, and it ached him. It was aching him because he believed Dualla's reason for committing suicide was his fault alone.

One night, Felix sat down on his bunk, staring fixedly at his gun. If he was going to pull the trigger on himself, it was now or never. Gaeta didn't know if he wanted to die by shooting himself, and so he considered other options first; drug overdose, hanging, asphyxiation, etc. Out of those options, the most appealing was drug overdose. So, Felix looked through his medicine cabinet and grabbed the painkillers Dr. Cottle prescribed to him for his leg amputation. Gaeta took these by the handful and mixed other drugs as well; alcohol (ambrosia), morpha, and whatever else he could get his hands on. Anything that could make a lethal combination, Felix took. It didn't take long for these drugs to take full effect. Felix hazily stammered to his bunk and laid down, awaiting his death. His heart began to beat slowly…and ever more slowly…slower yet. And Felix Gaeta was dead.


	6. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

Back to reality:

Still in the morgue, Felix was looking down at Anastasia's corpse. He had been there for only 5 minutes as of yet, but he thought about a lot during that short time. Mostly, Gaeta reminisced about the times he spent with Dee.

For the longest time Felix had loved Dee, but he never told her this. He couldn't work up the nerve and neither would he get the chance to. Gaeta didn't want to risk losing their friendship and possibly making things worse for her than what they were. After all, Lee was trying to get back with Anastasia and for Felix to claim his love for her at that time would have caused problems.

Dualla always looked so sad, and those were the times Gaeta consoled her. He would even try to make her laugh, which was successful most of the time. Anastasia's smile had always been rewarding for Felix to witness. Now he would never see that smile again, or smell her sweet scent of lavender perfume she frequently wore. But Dee's memory would always be there and although Felix didn't want to let her go, he knew he had to.

Gaeta looked away at first in remorse and sadness, but then he peered back at Dualla's lifeless body. "Oh, gods," he softly said. Felix wasn't certain what he was feeling: anger, regret, confusion, or even perhaps all of the above.

The words were so hard to say, but when he could finally speak he whispered, "I'm sorry, Ana. I'm sorry I couldn't stop you, and that I never told you how much I loved you. Especially because I've…begun to think that if you had known just how many people cared about you, then you would still be alive." Felix bit his lip as the tears rapidly streamed down his face. He then added, "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say: you have given me so many precious moments, but… for the sake of the fleet I have to accept that you wanted this and I need to learn to let you go."

Slowly, Felix left the morgue and made his way back to his quarters. It was late, and he was well past the point of exhaustion. So, as soon as Gaeta arrived at his quarters and walked over to his locker he removed his blue uniform and slipped on a pair of casual pants, leaving on his tank top and undershirt. But as Felix laid his head down on the pillow and shut his eyes, he felt something delicately touch his face. He lifted his head a little, and had seen a bright figure standing in front of him.

"Ana," Felix perplexedly inquired. The figure didn't speak, but nodded her head 'yes' instead.

Gaeta responded by softly implying, "I love you." Anastasia smiled, and then kissed Felix on the cheek.

Felix's eyes abruptly opened as he laid on his bed in a cold sweat, his heart beating rapidly. "It was just a dream," Felix thought out loud to himself.


End file.
